Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
