I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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