After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
