Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
