Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
