There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
