well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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