he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
