he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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