I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
