I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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