It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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