I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
