Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
