when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
