Kiss
Puke
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
