Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
