how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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