I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
