so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
