I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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