Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
