dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
