I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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