you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am available for nakedness
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
