You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
