I can text with my tongue
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
