honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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