I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
