i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
foreskin is a definite game changer
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
