im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
