I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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