I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
