Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
