I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
