God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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