3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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