Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
