Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
