he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
