I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
