There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
