In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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