Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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