closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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