he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
