i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
