woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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