Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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