I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
